[WHY] 'I'll get it. My treat. It's on me!' The politics of bill squabbling in Korea

Koreans like to battle for who is paying the bill in restaurants, a practice rooted in tradition but evolving with modern influences and generational changes.

[JOONGANG PHOTO]

From a pseudo-argument to a friendly scuffle, it is not uncommon to see a group of Koreans scramble in front of a restaurant counter after a get-together, insisting, “It’s my treat today.”

They often exchange harmless banter or aggressively shove each other to grab the bill before others. Some even go as far as sneaking out in the middle of a gathering to get the tab behind their friends’ backs.

Lee Joo-hyeong, who used to work part-time at a Korean barbecue restaurant in Gangneung, Gangwon, for two years, recalled one occasion when a customer wanted a refund after someone else had already paid the bill in secret and insisted on paying it with their own card instead. Some gathered credit cards among the group members and asked the cashier, Joo-hyeong, to choose which card to use to pay the bill.

“Customers often shoved their cards at me to pay the bills before others could get their hands on them,” said the 23-year-old, who once every week or two had to wait as customers stumbled over each other to pay the bill until the one remaining victor handed her their credit card.

While younger generations are increasingly opting to go Dutch nowadays and split the bill evenly, the Korean culture still largely dictates that a senior member of a party — or a host of the meeting, especially in business settings — handles the bill for everyone.

Such a seemingly unreasonable tendency often represents a display of warm camaraderie, especially among friends or during celebrations.

However, it may also manifest as a form of social dominance, as the expectation to pay becomes a way to flex status — or an invisible force that pressures unwilling participants to take the fall for the rest just to save face.

Then why don’t Koreans simply avoid all the headaches and split the bill? What compels them to go to such lengths just to pay an arm and a leg by themselves?

As with any other social occasion, many cultural and sociological factors come into play when determining who should, or should not, pay for a meal. The Korea JoongAng Daily explored the intricate social dynamics to answer the ultimate question you may encounter in front of a counter: To split or not to split?

Public servants pool money to pay for a restaurant bill after a gathering in Daejeon in September 2016, when the Anti-corruption Act first took effect. [KIM SUNG-TAE]

Who should grab the restaurant tab? The answer, of course, differs depending on the occasion. But there is certainly a long-standing tendency in Korea for the senior member of the party, whether by age or status, to pay for a meal for the whole party when eating out.

“In Korea, it is normally one person who pays the bill — either the person who has done the inviting or the most senior figure,” said Mark Vincent and Yeon Jae-hoon in their book “Complete Korean,” published in 2010.

“It is generally regarded as the senior person’s job to pay for everyone else, and you must not offend Koreans by insisting on [paying] or breaking their cultural tradition.”

China is also well known for similar cultural tendencies. Mark McCrum, a travel writer, observed that in China, a host may lose face if the guest insists on picking up the tab, according to his book “Going Dutch in Beijing,” published in 2008.

It is true that things have changed a lot in the last decade or so in Korea — more and more people, especially those in their 20s and 30s, prefer split payments during private gatherings, partly due to the influence of Western individualistic culture.

However, it is also true that a lot of Koreans expect a senior member of a party, especially when their status far outranks others, to pay for everyone else by default. The tendency is more notable when compared to what is considered the norm in Japanese or Western cultures.

“I have had multiple cases in which my Chinese and Korean friends of the same gender and age paid for the whole bill when we ate out together — this is an experience I’ve never had with my Japanese female friends my age,” said Karla, who was born in Tokyo and spent 14 years in London.

“Whether we split the bill or one person pays for all — this really varies depending on the demographics of the group, especially gender and age,” said Karla, adding that “men are more likely to offer to pay the whole bill, and such is the case for more senior people.”

A bill is shown at a Korean restaurant. [GETTY IMAGES][GETTY IMAGES]

How did the pay-together culture become a social norm?

Some experts attribute the habit to the influence of the traditional ideals deeply etched into the fabric of Korean society, where the social hierarchy between the elderly and the junior is more pronounced and prominent than in other cultures.

However, the custom itself may not be as old as you may think.

“In a culture where seniors hold superiority in the social hierarchy, the elder tends to feel the need to be acknowledged for their authority — this manifests in a form of giving, which, in the modern era, results in the senior bearing a bigger financial burden than the junior,” said Jack Park, an author and a Korean Studies expert.

Even in a situation where there is no particular hierarchical difference, paying for a meal gives the recipient a sense of owing a debt to the payer, which can serve as a chance to further deepen the relationship later, Park said.

“Such a psychological burden may sound negative, but if this leads to meeting that person again later, it gives an opportunity to form a friendship. Therefore, treating others to a meal may have a dual meaning for Koreans,” said Park.

This does not necessarily mean historically the senior has always paid for the junior in Korea. Rather, such a custom may be a result of modernization, said Jang Yoo-seung, a professor of Korean literature in classic Chinese at Sungkyunkwan University.

“I do not believe it is an old custom — it seems a stiff hierarchical culture similar to that of the Oyabun-Kobun relationship [resembling a parent-child or master-subject dynamic] of the Japanese yakuza, which was widely adopted during the military regime [from the 1960s to early 1990s], has shaped such a perception,” said Jang.

While there are numerous records of people pooling money with friends to pay for drinks together, there are hardly any historical accounts of the elderly paying for those junior to them in previous dynasties in Korea, according to the professor. Jang also noted that other social statuses — such as whether one is born as a legitimate child or not — had bigger significance than age in determining a person's social superiority in Confucian society.

“Being strict about age should be considered a result of the adoption of the modern school system [rather than Confucianism], where a person’s seniority is determined on a yearly basis,” Jang added.

Changing trend However, the tide has certainly been changing as the younger generation continues to move away from the conventional collectivist culture.

According to a survey conducted by Hankook Research in 2022 with 1,000 respondents nationwide, 64 percent answered that split payment is preferable even when there is an age difference between dining companions, while 33 percent said the senior should pay for the junior. When considering differences in workplace seniority, 54 percent preferred split payment.

However, when it comes to wealth, the majority, or 52 percent, believed the person with bigger wealth should pay, while 46 percent still preferred splitting the bill.

The preference toward going Dutch is more prominent in gatherings with friends, as 51 percent indicated they often split the bill when eating out with friends, compared to 17 percent with romantic partners and 8 percent with family members. In a gathering with colleagues at workplaces, 50 percent responded they usually split the bill.

Nevertheless, there was a clear generational difference in respondents’ perception toward split payment, as 90 percent of those aged between 18 and 29 said they often split the bill among friends.

The figure declines to 63 percent for those in their 30s, 51 percent for 40s, 36 percent for 50s and 34 percent for those aged 60 or older.

The same goes for dating as well. Some couples even create a bank account, often dubbed the "dating bank account" in Korea, to pay for dating expenses.

Among those aged between 18 and 29, there were 39 percent that said that they often split the bill when going out with romantic partners. For 30-somethings, 32 percent said they often go Dutch when dating. The figure drops to 17 percent for those in their 40s, and four percent for those in their 50s.

A survey of 1,000 unmarried adults conducted last year by Gayeon, a matchmaking service, showed that 38 percent equally split dating expenses, while only a slightly higher number of respondents, or 39.6 percent, said that men tend to pay more than women. About 15 percent said that they use a dating bank account.

A menu board lists the ″Kim Young-ran″ dish, priced at 30,000, in accordance with the Anticorruption Act dubbed the Kim Young-ran law, in Seoul on July 23. [NEWS1]

Picking up the tab means business While it is considered a common courtesy for a senior member to pay for a meal, the situation is completely reversed on business occasions.

When a dining arrangement is involved with business matters, it is much more common for the one who is considered to hold less bargaining power to pay for their counterpart rather than splitting the bill.

For example, doctors and pharmacists often receive fancy meals or other gifts from salespeople at pharmaceutical companies, as doctors decide which medicine to prescribe to patients. The same goes for journalists and publicists.

In order to root out corrupt practices that force one party to provide excessive meals and gifts to others, the Improper Solicitation and Graft Act, known colloquially as the Kim Young-ran Act, was written into law in 2016. The anti-corruption regulation prohibits public servants, employees of media companies, schools, and educational foundations from receiving improper solicitations and caps the maximum amount allowed to be given for gifts.

Kim Young-ran, former Supreme Court justice who the moniker of the anti-corruption law came from, called the law "a 'Going Dutch' rule."

"The bottom line is that we need to grow a habit of paying for respective meals," said Kim back in 2016, adding that the rule would serve as a starting point for Korean society to improve its integrity.

BY SHIN HA-NEE [shin.hanee@joongang.co.kr]