Regrets from divorce? Men say 'lack of self-control,' women pick 'nagging'

(123rf)

When asked about their biggest regret from their marriages, divorced men cited a lack of self-control, while divorced women wished they had scolded their partner less, according to a survey by local matchmakers.

Matchmaking services Only You and Bienarae jointly conducted the survey earlier this month on 518 men and women who have gone through a divorce. The leading answer for the question, "What do you regret most about how you treated your spouse from your first marriage?" 33.2 percent of the men responded "I wish I had shown self-restraint," followed by "I wish I had been more respectful" at 28.2 percent.

Some 34.4 percent of female respondents chose "I wish I scolded him less," followed by "I wish I had been more positive" at 28.6 percent.

Other popular answers for men included "I wish I was more lenient" (18.2 percent), "I wish I had been more positive" (13.8 percent), while women also picked "I wish I had been more respectful" (17.4 percent) and "I wish I had shown self-restraint" (11.9 percent).

An official from Bienarae explained that many divorced men showed a tendency to regret not restraining themselves in issues that led to divorce, such as having an affair or engaging in physical or verbal altercations. Divorced women, on the other hand, said they had frequently complained when things did not go their way, which was something they said they regretted after divorce.

When asked what caused their first marriage to fail, 30.5 percent of male respondents picked "not enough effort to resolve conflict," while 32.1 percent of their female counterparts said it was due to "not knowing enough about the other person before getting married."

"Not enough effort to resolve conflict" was picked by 25.1 percent of female respondents, followed by "lack of patience" (20.4 percent), and "lack of effort to understand the other person" (15.1 percent).

For men, the second-highest answer was "lack of effort to understand the other person" at 25.5 percent, followed by "not knowing enough about the other person before getting married" at 19.3 percent, and "not being considerate toward the other person" at 16.6 percent.

Both genders differed in their opinions on what aspects were necessary to maintain future marriages. Some 34.4 percent of men said their future spouses "should be willing to actively resolve issues," while 35.5 percent said future spouses "should respect each other."

By Yoon Min-sik(minsikyoon@heraldcorp.com)