One year later, Itaewon disaster's survivors battle psychological wounds

A year has passed since the Itaewon crush. Survivors, families of victims and front-line responders of the Itaewon crush have suffered from the trauma.

The mother of a victim of the Itaewon crowd crush touches a photo of her son at a memorial altar in front of Seoul City Hall [JOONGANG PHOTO]

A 16-year-old boy, identified by his family name of Lee, took his own life 43 days after the deadly Itaewon crowd crush on Halloween night last year.

Struggling to deal with the stigma suffered by survivors, he ultimately became the tragedy's 159th victim.

“The social atmosphere triggered a sense of guilt in the survivors, and my son felt isolated and powerless to seek assistance,” Lee's mother told the JoongAng Ilbo on Oct. 6.

“As if there were a great wall, no words seemed to reach him. He barely made eye contact with people after the tragedy.”

Lee went to Itaewon with several friends, including his girlfriend. He was the only one to come home alive.

In November, Lee left a message in a chat room where he used to talk with a friend who died that night. “Your parents asked me to live my best, including for you.” A month later, in December, he wrote another message. “I will follow your way.”

Lee could not distance himself from toxic comments on the internet. Feeling vulnerable, he believed society did not support the survivors.

Lee left a long comment on a YouTube video about the Itaewon crowd crush. “I wanted to die, still want to die,” he wrote. “I am so sorry for my friends who died. Everything seems to be my fault. I feel like the world has abandoned me.”

Choi, the mother a victim of the Itaewon tragedy, makes a purple ribbon which becomes a symbol of mourning for the victims. [JOONGANG PHOTO]

Survivors, victims' families and front-line responders from the Itaewon crowd crush continue to suffer from trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

A crowd surge trapped hundreds of people in a narrow alleyway in the Itaewon nightlife district on Oct. 29 last year. The crowd crush took 158 lives that night.

Survivors reportedly carry mental scars, some of which eventually manifest in physical disorders.

Hundreds of police officers have sought urgent psychological help. Some 327 officers received therapy after the accident, according to the police agency.

Malicious comments on the internet and social media inflicted secondary wounds on the survivors, hindering their recovery.

Hateful comments on social media blamed survivors and victims as reckless people who violated social safety rules for their pleasure and entertainment. Some went even further, falsely accusing them of illegal drug use.

Kim, a father of a victim, participates a rally to honor the memory of the victims. [JOONGANG PHOTO]

The JoongAng Ilbo conducted in-depth interviews with 15 survivors, families of victims and first responders on site that night.

Thirteen underwent the National Center of Mental Health's psychological health evaluation for disaster survivors. The assessment found three were at “high risk” with suicidal thoughts. Nine were “cases of interest,” requiring special care and attention.

Jeon, a survivor of the tragedy, turned to alcohol for three months due to anxiety. “For a while, I was unable to go to a nearby convenience store when the sun went down because I got scared of the alleyway,” he said.

Another young survivor said, “I cannot breathe comfortably whenever I go to a crowded or enclosed place.”

Survivor's guilt also hit them hard.

“Losing a child is my fault. I am to blame because I failed to protect my child, whatever the cause was,” said the mother of a 25-year-old child who died that night.

The father of a 23-year-old victim said, “Just being alive makes me feel guilty.” He said the most painful thing was “mocking and insulting the victims” and added, “Watching people making fun of the accident leaves us in greater pain.”

Secondary trauma tore the survivors apart again.

Jeon was triggered after seeing comments under his interview video. “This is a psychopath doing an interview after a friend died,” one wrote. Another said, “You should have died together if you went to see a woman. Why are you alive?”

He said he sometimes regrets that he survived.

“It feels like all the other people and I are on totally different planets. If society were more empathetic, my son would have sought assistance. In this sense, the government should duly perform its role by caring for wounded hearts and minds rather than pretending nothing happened,” Lee’s mother said.

Lee, the father of a 25-year-old victim, shares food after a joint memorial service for the victims of the Itaewon crowd crush. [JOONGANG PHOTO]

The mother of a 21-year-old victim said that she had lost 25 kilograms (55 pounds) and couldn't sleep since the tragedy. She stays awake for two or three days straight and then falls asleep.

She has suffered from a sore, inflamed mouth for eight months. Her condition isn't improving.

“Some bereaved family members suffer from hair loss, teeth problems and loss of sense of taste. Another bereaved mother cannot taste saltiness,” she added.

A rescue worker said he still vividly remembers people’s screams and cries. A police officer who worked at the Itaewon police substation remains distressed, constantly asking himself, “Was that the best we could do back then?”

A shoes-retailer, Nam In-seok, looks at the wall on a narrow alleyway next to the Hamilton hotel, where the Itaewon crush happened. [JOONGANG PHOTO]

BY YUN JUNG-MIN, HA JUN-HO, LEE YOUNG-KEUN, LEE CHAN-KYU, LEE SOO-JUNG [lee.soojung1@joongang.co.kr]