Removing the trap of ‘father chance’

I hope Father Chance and fake paternal love will be eradicated to save normal fathers from being falsely stigmatized.

Kim Hye-joon

The author is head of the Fathers Joining Together,a civic group aimed at establishing the right role of fathers. As corruption allegations involving hiring the children of high-level government officials, including the secretary-general and deputy secretary-general of the National Election Commission (NEC) emerge, the country is riled up by the so-called “Father Chance.” Whenever a Father Chance contraversy erupts, I am more perplexed than anyone else, as I have been working for “rediscovery of roles and value of fathers.”

How have we come to use the uncomfortable term Father Chance for such unpleasant cases? Come to think of it, the existence of a mother is enough for children, but the father seems to have a different connotation. As fathers feel the silent pressure that their existence alone is not enough, they need to have “Plus Alpha.” For instance, when kids fight at a playground, they often say, “My dad is strong” or “My dad will scold you.”

In general, the primary factor for being a good mother is how much one loves her child rather than her social role. In contrast, the role and value of the father is not just how well they interact with children but also how strong and competent they are outside of the home. Unlike motherly love, the “Law of Power” seems to work on paternal love.

Therefore, many fathers in the world run around the jungle outside their homes for their families. I feel a lot of social pressure to be stronger and more competent. Perhaps because of this, people often say, “I would have done the same” or “Who can throw a stone at that person?” when something happens.

This was the case in the controversy over the father chance by high-level NEC officials and over the favor involving the children of former Justice Minister Cho Kuk. But I can say for sure that their selfish behavior for their own children is far from desirable paternal love. It is “Fake Paternal Love.”

Luigi Zoja, an Italian psychoanalyst who served as president of the International Association of Analytical Psychology, explained that the process of changing from male to father is a gateway for humans to advance from barbarism to intelligence. The act of a man once faithful to self-love to recognize a new life as a child and decide to take responsibility for parenting is quite a rational awakening and execution process.

In the Japanese movie “Like Father, Like Son” by Hirokazu Koreeda and in the Korean film “Chronicle of a Blood Merchant” based on Chinese novelist Yu Hua’s 1995 novel of the same title, true paternal love is depicted through a man being awakened to human intelligence. As seen here, paternal love is at the core of human intelligence that matures individual and communities.

In fact, there is also a group called “Fatherly Smile Mentor Group” organized to support dreams and future of the children from underprivileged families. They serve as “social fathers” to the unrelated children in difficult situations to practice true paternal love.

However, as the word Father Chance” is the main culprit of destroying individuals and communities in Korea, I am angry as a father that paternal love is undermined. True paternal love springs up from awakening, reflection and practice. It is a community virtue fostering citizenship and a sense of balance.

On the other hand, fake paternal love of Father Chance actually interferes with children’s future with fouls, expediency and hypocrisy. At the same time, it encroaches on the framework of the Korean community. Men with this fake paternal love should be strictly excluded from public office regardless of their ranks.

There is a reason why many people raged over the father chance. Those involved in the controversy are public servants, serving high-rank positions at the constitutional agency that organizes elections to protect democracy, the core of our community.

Even in private companies, people would question if children of CEOs are promoted to key positions without reasonable grounds. Moreover, public offices should have a different level of accountability. I don’t even need to argue that the civil servant hiring process should be fair. I hope Father Chance and fake paternal love will be eradicated to save normal fathers from being falsely stigmatized.

Translation by the Korea JoongAng Daily staff.