International students struggle with age-based honorifics

Suirik Kumakova arrived last year at Sejong University with high expectations. Instead, what she experienced was a long list of rules regulating the way she had to speak and act toward certain age groups — a facet of Korea’s rigid age hierarchy.

Suirik Kumakova, a 20-year-old Kazakh student on exchange from a university in Lithuania, arrived last year at Sejong University in Seoul with high expectations. Originally from the countryside, she was attracted to the fast-paced atmosphere and large crowds of the capital city. Korea was the perfect candidate for an outbound exchange program because its culture and nightlife seemed liberating.

Instead, what she experienced was a long list of rules regulating the way she had to speak and act toward certain age groups — a facet of Korea’s rigid age hierarchy.

Kumakova comes from a “high-context” culture where similar norms and behaviors are collectively shared. Instead of emphasizing one’s self, people from high-context cultures prioritize what is best for the community by following strict social codes.

People from Kumakova’s home country are generally respectful toward their elders, and she believes that her early exposure to these expectations is what softened the blow when she first arrived in Korea. Regardless, she admitted, “There is definitely a learning curve when adjusting to Korea’s age hierarchy.”

The strict rules and social cues were what confused her.

“I did not know that Koreans talked to their elders in an entirely different manner — both in everyday conversations and the way you refer to them,” she said.

Kumakova refers to the concept of “honorifics,” when people conclude their words with specific suffixes as a sign of respect, and age-specific titles such as oppa and hyeong (older brother) or nuna and eonni (older sister). She said “Older people generally treat their younger counterparts with less rigidness. They expect a certain level of obedience and think that it is acceptable to request favors.”

Both parties are cautious with their attitude and relationships between people of different ages are often distant.

Wirada Pornpitaksit, a 21-year-old Thai student from Yonsei University majoring in Korean language and literature, said that many international students are uncomfortable with Korea’s hyper-fixation on age.

“The first thing that Koreans ask is ‘how old are you?’ and that is quite personal — even invasive — to a lot of people.”

Though Koreans may seamlessly understand the structure of the age hierarchy, many new arrivals such as Kumakova say they are left confused. According to her, a non-Korean's inability to firmly grasp expected behaviors often leads to unpleasant social interactions. In some cases, they may even be perceived as impolite due to their puzzlement with the age hierarchy.

Throughout her one semester, she familiarized herself with Korea’s age structure, but many of her friends and acquaintances from abroad remain perplexed.

Kumakova knows several foreigners that struggle to adapt to the culture. One friend of hers, another Kazakh, struggled while working part-time in a fast-food restaurant. Her boss was exceedingly strict about the way she presented herself — not just toward customers but toward him.

Her behavior and mannerisms were constantly scrutinized. She was scolded for the way she talked and bowed. Every minuscule thing she did was judged, but she was forced to repress her dissatisfaction for fear of losing her job.

When working as a part-time translator for a top entertainment company in Korea, Pornpitaksit recalled the hierarchical work environment. Her superior immediately spoke in a casual tone and treated all the employees somewhat informally because of his older age.

“I would like to enter the Korean workforce once I graduate, but I worry about the hardships I may face as a foreigner,” Pornpitaksit said, “Especially due to cultural differences such as the age hierarchy.”

Kumakova claims that many international students avoid workplace conflicts because it is difficult for them to attain jobs in the first place; most do not have the luxury to complain about “minor” issues such as a “high-maintenance” boss.

“People should solely focus on their responsibilities, but a lot of foreigners get distracted with the intricacies of Korea’s age hierarchy,” Kumakova said.

“A high regard for respect is a very good attribute of Korea. We should pay our elders with respect and deference, but I think the definition of ‘respect’ must evolve with the times. Korea has developed immensely with its technology and economy, why shouldn’t social cues change as well?”

Jena Valtonen-Kim, a 19-year-old Finnish-Korean student, studied in Korea for a year before transferring to a university in Britain. When comparing Korea’s perception, she said that the practice of respecting elders is not strongly emphasized in Western countries. The lack of respect is a downside, but Western society carries its upsides as well.

“In the West, I felt that I was viewed more as an equal. I cannot say the same for Korea because I always had to refer to someone according to their status or age,” said Valtonen-Kim.

Outdated beliefs such as the strict enforcement of honorifics and acting in a reverential manner towards elders are deeply entwined into Korean society, but these norms are beginning to sour among the younger generation. Just as foreigners feel a deep dissatisfaction towards Korea’s age hierarchy, several young Koreans say they feel the same way.

Cho Min-young, a 20-year-old sophomore student from Yonsei University majoring in business, was born and raised in Korea. He says that the age hierarchy is taught early in life by parents and fully practiced amongst preschoolers as a form of “playground politics.”

“If you don’t respect authority, you become a social pariah,” Cho said.

Most children look up to their elders with age gaps as small as a few months and if deemed “disrespectful,” some may naturally earn a bad reputation amongst their peers.

Cho believes that the way young Koreans treat their elders now is changing. Respect was expected because age automatically dictated wisdom in most cultures, but many are beginning to question this notion, he said.

Cho even cited the popular term kkondae (a condescending older person) as a sign of the growing discontent young Koreans feel about the age hierarchy system. According to him, some even perceive older people as a burden to society.

Regardless, Cho believes that the shift in belief among young Koreans is beneficial for society, saying, “Respect should be earned not demanded.”

Behavioral expectations such as honorifics and age-specific titles are less enforced in university settings but definitely do exist, says Cho. He believes that it is unsurprising that many international students struggle to adapt to Korea’s social structure because it truly differs from other cultures — starting from the rudimentary definitions of certain terms.

“The entire definition of ‘friendship’ is skewed here in Korea,” said Cho, before further describing how Koreans perceive a “friend” as someone born in the same year as them. “No matter how close you are to someone older or younger than you, they will never be labeled a ‘friend’.”

“We learned to adapt to the age hierarchy at an early age, but I do not think it is something we should grow comfortable with," Cho said. "Our society is in desperate need of reform.”

BY STUDENT REPORTER JOO DA-HAE [kjd.kcampus@joongang.co.kr]