[Kim Seong-kon] What is the best parenting for our children?

The first time I watched the 1963 classic movie, “To Kill a Mockingbird,” I was mesmerized by Atticus Finch, a single parent of two children, Jem and Scout. Gregory Peck was so superb as the admirable father Finch that he won the Academy Award for best actor that year.

As a father, Finch is neither permissive nor authoritative toward his children in the movie. He lets his children call him by his first name, Atticus, which means he is not authoritarian at all. However, he admirably maintains his authority and the dignity of a parent in front of his children. Consequently, Finch is a highly likable and esteemed father to his children.

Finch is a small-town lawyer in Great Depression Era Alabama who defends an African American falsely charged with the rape of a white woman. While educating his two children against personal and social prejudices, Atticus exhibits a calm and gentle personality and uses friendly persuasion. Finch is a considerate and trustworthy father who persuasively explains to his children that to persecute different races is like, metaphorically, “killing a mockingbird” that “does not harm us but only sings for us.”

When Harper Lee published the Pulitzer Prize-winning novel, “To Kill a Mockingbird,” in 1960, perhaps Atticus Finch was the idealistic role model for fathers in American society. Or perhaps Lee just created a perfect father figure who did not exist, but every child dreamed of. Either way, Atticus Finch has remained the most praised, admirable father figure in American literature.

Experts have pointed out that parenting methods have constantly changed in each generation according to the prevalent social atmosphere. For example, in conservative times, parents tended to be authoritative, dictating to their children what to do and what not to do. In liberal times, parents are usually permissive, letting children do whatever they want.

Abigail Shrier, author of The New York Times bestseller “Bad Therapy: Why the Kids aren’t Growing up,” argues that both types of parenting have turned out to be problematic because they do not give their children independence. She says, “Their kids did not end up great in terms of mental health” in both cases,

Shrier diagnoses that today it is even worse because we have “permissive parents who are therapeutic.” She assesses the new type of parents, saying, “They are always asking their kids what they want. They never assert their authority, but hover and surveil their kids. They do not give independence to their children.”

A YouTube video describes the parenting of Baby Boomer parents as authoritative, as a Boomer mother incessantly scolds her children, "Don’t talk in the grocery store!” “I already told you!” or “Keep your mouth shut!” In another video, a Generation X mother frequently prohibits her children from doing something. A third video portrays a Millennial mom as permissive and “gentle in public.”

The above YouTube videos were designed to amuse the viewers, so they may be stereotyping or exaggerating. Nevertheless, they were fun to watch because each generation is shaped by a unique historical and cultural context that might affect parenting styles. For example, Boomers were raised during a period of high birth rates after World War II, economic growth and a conservative social atmosphere. Gen X grew up under economic uncertainty, liberalism and the beginning of the electronic era. Millennials grew up with the internet, social media and smartphones.

Another theory is that young parents generally do not like their parents’ parenting style and thus try to adopt the opposite approach for their own children. For example, young people who grew up with authoritative parents later become permissive parents. On the contrary, those who were raised under permissive parents end up becoming authoritative parents. If it is true, parenting is also related to how parents were raised as children.

What, then, is the best parenting? How are we supposed to raise our children? Undoubtedly, Atticus Finch provides a good example. He treats his children warmly and affectionately, while retaining integrity as a father. He is also reliable and caring. When his children are sick in bed, Atticus is always there, sitting beside them all night.

When his children make mistakes or encounter problems, Finch patiently and persuasively explains the situation to them and guides them on the right path. When Scout is puzzled by social prejudice against those who are different, such as people of color, the poor or the divorced, Finch teaches her to try to understand those who are different, saying, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”

Finch teaches his children invaluable life lessons, makes them see the world from different perspectives and presents himself as a model, living by his own code of ethics and morality. We all should become parents like Atticus Finch, who is loved and respected by his children.

Kim Seong-kon

Kim Seong-kon is a professor emeritus of English at Seoul National University and a visiting scholar at Dartmouth College. The views expressed here are the writer's own. -- Ed.