[Kim Seong-kon] Without care, we too, can become abusers

We tend to think there is a crystal-clear distinction between opposite things. However, it's rarely so simple. Oftentimes, things that at first glance appear contrary instead end up looking surprisingly alike or blend into one another, especially when they are pushed to the extreme. For example, the far left and far right, though technically opposites, bear an astonishing resemblance, as we see when we compare Josef Stalin and Adolf Hitler.

Similarly, we think that there is a radical difference between terrorists and ordinary people. Therefore, we naturally believe that we are far removed from terrorists and have nothing to do with violent extremism. We assume there is a particular group of people who can be labeled “terrorists.” In reality, however, even those of us who think we are the most ordinary of people can become terrorists if we are not careful.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines a terrorist as “someone who uses violence and intimidation to achieve a political and ideological aim.” According to this definition, anyone can fall into the category of a terrorist if they try to impose their political beliefs on others using force. If so, we can find quite a few terroristic people in our society who do not hesitate to use violence for ideological causes.

The same goes for “abusers.” In the Oxford English Dictionary, an abuser is “someone who treats another person in a cruel, violent or unfair way.” Given the parameters of that definition, anyone can stumble into the category of an abuser if they treat others in an unfair or manipulative way. Although we might firmly believe that we are not doing so, we could be perpetrating abuse without realizing it.

We can become abusers if we treat others in a rude, inhumane or manipulative way. It can happen between a father and a child, or between a husband and a wife. It can also happen between a teacher and a student, or between an employer and an employee. What Koreans call “gapjil” is an example of abuse between people with power and those they have power over.

Recently, I saw a poster that said: “Does someone degrade you in public or private? Does he get angry if you are not submissive? Does he insist you are wrong? Does he blame you for everything? Does he pressure you to do things that make you uncomfortable? Does he force you to drink, or do things that you do not want to do? Does he expose you to danger because of your identity? Then, this is abuse.”

If the above things belong to the category of “abuse,” no one is completely free from the accusation of being an abuser. For example, if we pressure someone to drink against their will in a bar, which is quite common in Korean society, we might be abusing the person. If we ignore or degrade the opinions of our children or students simply because they are young, we might be abusers there, as well. If we provoke, blame or threaten family members, we are abusing them.

If we have power, we can easily become abusers. If we do not have power, we may unwittingly turn into a terrorist. Sometimes, a powerful man can become both an abuser and a terrorist. If a political leader tries to impose his ideological beliefs on his people by force, he becomes an abuser and a terrorist. He may think he is doing the right thing, but he is not, because there is only a thin line between right and wrong, and good and evil.

In order not to become abusers or terrorists, we should respect different voices, opinions and perspectives. We also should respect and embrace others who are different from us or weaker than us. If we force others to join us or be like us in the name of unity, we are likely to end up becoming terrorists or abusers.

Nobody wants to be a terrorist or an abuser. Yet, we can easily become one unless we are extra careful and supercautious. We should know that there is only a thin wall between terrorists and abusers and us.

Kim Seong-kon

Kim Seong-kon is a professor emeritus of English at Seoul National University and a visiting scholar at Dartmouth College. The views expressed here are the writer's own. -- Ed.